I could write a book about the times fear has held me back. One time, it got so loud that it convinced me I’d be a runaway bride. So what did I do? My wife and I eloped to Las Vegas to get married.
But here’s the thing about fear—it’s mostly based on bullshit. Excuse my language, but it’s true. Fear whispers lies in our ears, making us believe things that aren’t rational or grounded in reality. Let me tell you about my experience and how that fear became so loud.
When I was 18, my headteacher told me, “Due to your delicate relationship with another female pupil, it is no longer appropriate for you to study here.” And just like that, fear crept in. It told me that because of who I loved, I’d be treated differently. It told me to make myself smaller, to be less gay, to wear a dress, and to downplay my relationships.
So many people reading this might think, “Oh my god, Ceri, you didn’t need to do that,” or “I never knew this about you.” But that’s exactly how fear works. It’s not rational—it’s based on past experiences, often from when we were too young or naive to challenge them.
Fear’s real purpose is to try to keep you safe. But here’s the truth: you are safe. It’s okay to be yourself. It’s okay to try something new without knowing how it will turn out. It’s all okay—and it’s going to be okay.
Brené Brown puts it perfectly: “Put your fear in the back seat and say, ‘Thank you for looking after me all this time. But now I know how to drive. I know the turning I want to take. Leave it to me. I’ll pick the right one, and if anything happens, then you can take the wheel. But right now, I’m doing this for me—and just me.’”
Don’t let fear be so loud that you can’t hear your own thoughts, that you can’t hear what it is you truly want to do.
You’ve got this. If you’re in the Western world, then you are so lucky—you’ve got the best shot at having anything you’ve ever wanted, at achieving anything you’ve ever dreamed of. You just need to silence the fear and take control.
Comments